You know what I love? Reading my horoscope. I especially love that I’m on the border between Aries and Pisces, because then I can read both and squish the best parts together to give myself the ultimate Good Horoscope. On our old blog, Kelly used to write “The Signs As…” posts for pop punk bands, TV shows, girl groups…everything. And I really miss those posts. So Kelly has become our very own personal Christmas angel and has blessed us with The Signs As Christmas Aesthetics. I’m feeling a little more festive already after reading about the potential of my holiday season. May your Christmas be merry & bright…unless you’re a Scorpio or Sagittarius, in which case please let me know you’re still alive in January because holy smokes??
I think we might be able to talk Kelly into making this a monthly thing…convince her in the comments.
ARIES: A reindeer onesie. Watching “Krampus” with bae. Laughing about sledding and falling into the creek at the bottom of the hill. That scene from Jingle All The Way where Schwarzenegger is running down the street saying, “Dasher, Dancer Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.”
TAURUS: Cutting down the perfect tree in your favorite flannel button down. Making cookies with your mom. Visiting with relatives that don’t ask you about your love life. Drinking too much eggnog with your mom.
GEMINI: Eggnog in a glass moose mug. A handmade ugly Christmas sweater. Drawing your own name in Secret Santa, and not telling anyone. Snapchatting your boss dancing at the office holiday party. “Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal.”
CANCER: A pink foil Christmas tree with sparkly ornaments. Stealing the gift everyone wants for the third time at the white elephant. Getting a new perfume from your mom and actually liking the way it smells.
LEO: An ugly Christmas sweater that isn’t actually ugly. The Jingle Bell Rock dance from Mean Girls. Winning a fight with your politically incorrect uncle. Getting the new iPhone, before it’s sold in stores. The Office Christmas episode where Meredith lights her hair on fire.
VIRGO: A snow angel with no hand prints. Blinking white Christmas lights. Watching Love Actually by the fire. Homemade gifts, that are actually really cool, because your friends are super talented and shit. Welcome Christmas (Dahoo Dores). Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party.
LIBRA: Large bulbed, multi-colored Christmas lights. Staying up all night to wait for Santa. Giving someone the perfect gift, and knowing it’s perfect and seeing their face light up when they open it. The Hey Arnold Christmas special with Mr. Hyunh’s daughter.
SCORPIO: The steam coming off of hot chocolate. Being Kevin McAllister and realizing your family is in Florida and you’re in New York. Being hungover while opening your presents, but your parents have no idea. Donna Meagle saying, “Merry Christmas bitches.”
SAGITTARIUS: Screamo Christmas carols. Trying eggnog for the first time, and spitting it back into your cup, only to realize your cousin was watching you the whole time. Getting all of your shopping done on December 23rd.
CAPRICORN: Freshly fallen snow. Your favorite Christmas song comes on in a coffee shop. Mickey’s A Christmas Carol. This scene from Christmas Vacation: Paris, France at Christmas time. Waking up on Christmas morning, and not having to go anywhere.
AQUARIUS: Christmas in Miami. Getting concert tickets as your big gift. Candy canes that look like they’re mint flavored, but are actually fruity. Watching the Nightmare Before Christmas for the first time. Silver mylar balloons that spell out “Happy Holidays”.
PISCES: Your name on Santa’s nice list. Angel tree toppers. Getting the last pair of Nancy Spumoni snow boots left in the city. Reading “The Night Before Christmas” to your niece, and she tells you she loves you just before she falls asleep. An ugly sweater party in your friends’ tiny apartment in Brooklyn.
How’s your horoscope looking?