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ARE YOU GOING TO FAUXCHELLA???

By Posted on 1 2 m read

It’s that time of year again…everyone you know is hopping on a plane and heading out to the Californian desert to take IG pics of whatever bands will get the most likes & wear as many body chains as humanly possible.

Is my jealousy showing?

If you haven’t heard me talk about it a million times before, let me tell you now: I spend an absolutely revolting amount of time thinking about my perfect festival lineup. Thinking about who my headliners would be, who would open for them, who I’d put on my “introducing” stage…I imagine I’d have a lot less stress in my life if I wasn’t constantly trying to make big decisions for a festival that literally DOES NOT EXIST.

That being said, it prepared me for the moment when TickPick inspired me to choose my dream festival lineup to be made into a poster. It didn’t prepare me for narrowing it down to 10 artists, but it gave me a head start so I wouldn’t leave poor TickPick waiting 3 years for my response.

Please know that these are not in any sort of order and that I would never put MCR anywhere but atop a revolving floating stage above the ocean with a seat in the middle just for me, being livestreamed to all corners of the universe.

Welcome to Fauxchella.


Fauxchella Festival Lineup on PaigeBackstage.com

Other additions I would make to my very own Fauxchella:

– Brand New vs. Taking Back Sunday Battledome. Mics are for swinging, not singing.

– JONAS BROTHERS REUNION (including Big Rob) (Kevin optional)

– If you wear something culturally appropriating, you can come in but we’re putting you on a stage with everyone else who wore something inappropriate and everyone gets to heckle you all day. Have fun.

– Whoever wears the most gold flash tattoos gets to be used as a stage decoration during Halsey’s performance

– Free water because I’m not the devil (do not believe what they tell you. I am heaven sent, don’t you dare forget)

– The whole place is gonna be Astroturf’d so that nothing gets muddy/dusty, and also because I’m allergic to grass

– 1 bouncy castle per 1000 people

– About 70 other bands and please trust me, I already have them chosen and typed out into a list in my phone


Who would be on your dream festival lineup?

Just in case you don’t have the millions of dollars to fund your own tour, you can always check out TickPick to get cheap tickets for one that already exists here, along with tickets to sporting events like the NFL and NHL. Just saying.

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  • “I imagine I’d have a lot less stress in my life if I wasn’t constantly trying to make big decisions for a festival that literally DOES NOT EXIST” Haha! Love it. xoxo